It’s All About Me – By Elmer Strumecki 

A Provocative, Self-Directed and Reflective
Personal Transformation Workshop Outline

I am

I am magnificent

I have space to make mistakes

I have space to be rejected

I trust my Self absolutely

I forgive my Self unconditionally

I am revealing my Self

I am doing the best I can

I am Love  –  Agape

Introduction

In most cases, anyone who eventually succeeds in the game of life failed many times.  Yet, we keep on trying, improving  ourselves with each effort, prompted always by the perfection that exists within us.

Perfection involves accepting oneself and all things in their present stage of evolution. It is being immersed in the process of healthy unfolding and being thankful for the privilege of participating in this eternal process.

What we are — love — has never left us; we have simply chosen to re-prioritize our love value.  In doing so, by making ourselves less important than others, we chose to project our loss of self-love onto others.  This may manifest itself in blame, anger, judgement, condemnation, control, manipulation, verbal and or physical abuse, frustration, conflict, confrontation, hate and martyrdom.  All these things we feel toward ourselves first.  By taking responsibility and ownership, we can eliminate this behaviour. We can then view the external in a more  compassionate, honouring and understanding manner.  Happiness and peace are the net results of our commitment to this exercise.

This Workshop Program was created as a result of my personal history.  It is subject to change as I grow, and will be updated according to my guidance and direction.

My life’s path was absolutely necessary for me to be here sharing with you today.  It has included everything from joy, bliss, sadness, ignorance, suffering, happiness, pain, frustration, depression, connection, addiction, love, loneliness and understanding.  Although we haven’t walked in each other’s shoes, we have all had the above experiences at one time or another in our lives. As much as we have in common, we are all different. We come from different genetics (DNA), different influencing environments, different educational experiences, different Karma, different belief systems, different values, with different temperaments and personalities, different learning curves, different astrological signs, and different destinies. Yet, we’re expected to behave the same.  We have given up our power to our Churches, our Educational Institutions, our Legislators, Materialism, our Family, our Friends, our Employers, our Spouses or our Partners and our Children.  How dare they?  How dare we?  How dare I compare myself to anyone and thus dis-empower myself?

The key to self-empowerment and hence self-love, is to take total responsibility for who we are, how we feel and where we are right in this moment.  This Workshop is designed to re-empower us through practical well-being exercises (see Wellness Self-Evaluation Exercises in the Site Organizer Menu).

Can I see another’s woe
And not be in sorrow too?
Can I see another’s grief
And not seek  for kind relief? – William Blake

In this workshop we hope to expose you to ‘goodies’ you are familiar with, in different ‘wrapping paper’.  The ‘goodies’ will hopefully add to your personal development and well-being option menu and will support you, should you choose to action them, when appropriate.

It’s All About Me Workshop Outline is premised on the following: that,

• we’re all functioning perfectly at whatever stage of evolution we’re in at this moment;
• this workshop is a personal evaluation exercise which precludes us comparing ourselves to anyone;
• we come to appreciate the beauty of who we are right now and accept and honour our currently existing frailties, vulnerabilities, so called ‘imperfections’ and ‘weaknesses’.  The beauty of our individual existence includes the fact that we can, at our discretion, choose to make changes if and when we are ready.  What a gift of empowerment we have at our disposal;
• we begin to realize how important it is to give our internal world the same attention and value we give our external world.  Anything else is addiction: that is, when we apply more value to someone or something apart from ourselves, we are addicted to that external factor or force.  This exercise dis-empowers us. This doesn’t mean there is no value in the external; it simply means we must maintain a healthy sense of balance between our internal and external worlds, if we love ourselves.  Otherwise we will act out against people and things because we have given away our power and will feel resentful, as a result.  Perspective is the key.  We cannot sell ourselves ‘short’ or we will suffer and so will the people around us;
• we understand what we require to ‘flower’ and that we realize, figuratively speaking, the importance of ‘water’, ‘sunlight’, ‘fertile soil’, attention and love, to be the best we can be, in this moment;
• by only really caring for ourselves can we truly care for someone else;
• caring is an action word and has the most impact from the inside out;
• as a result of shifting our perception of ourselves first, we will shift our perception of others. Our relationships will improve, as a result of simply perceiving differently;
• we understand that through an investment of our effort and energy, it’s simply a matter of time until empowerment occurs naturally.  It cannot happen without action;
• this action initially takes the form of processing our life and then coming to the understanding of self-love.  Everything else will grow from this awareness.
• being presently conscious is required for empowering ourselves.

He who knows about others may be learned,but he who understands himself is more intelligent. He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still   –  Lao-Tsu, Tao the King

Processing (Self-Exploration)

In the face of uncomfortable feelings in our bodies, we deny them, run from them, stuff them with alcohol or food, blame them on someone else,   express them destructively in the form of neglect of our children and loved ones, exhibit indifference and rage at our spouses or war with our brothers and sisters on this wonderful planet.

All our emotions are valuable.  If we see them as signals for our well-being then they become positive. Understanding our emotions and being honest about them is vital to processing.

Common Pattern for Self-Destructive and Abusive Behaviour Practices:

* Empowering one’s life can break this pattern.

Dis-honour and violate what comes naturally at birth (We must unlearn the learned)

*Relearn our natural behaviour and come to accept it, honour it and love it.  Expressing our healthy behaviour and  accepting our humanity lends itself to us becoming stronger, empowered, more confident and healthier.  

Ignorance of Healthy Life Skills (Negative Teachers)

*Understand that the ‘teachers’ we were afforded did the best they could with what they had, at that time.  Realize that the religious and educational institutions that taught them, did the best they could with what they had.  Accept that we chose to ‘buy’ into their ‘belief systems’ and that we knowingly (on some level) dis-empowered ourselves because we chose to believe what was readily available to us without much discrimination of information and resistance.  Taking responsibility for what we believe and act out is empowering because we are choosing to look honestly at ourselves in this present moment.  We can assist with re-empowering ourselves, simply by teaching ourselves to take responsibility for our lives and to be able to shift our perception of the environment in which we live. Sometimes we learn best from ‘negative’ teachers.

Suppressing Our Feelings – expression of our emotions was frowned upon by role models in our environment resulting in our inability to adequately express how we feel, without lashing out angrily. Anger was acceptable.

*It is OK to express our feelings without allowing ourselves to be ‘stigmatized’ as weak or bad.  We can attain a level of  trust and confidence, enabling us to feel safe and secure. We can come to understand that there are other forms of ‘acting out’ that are healthier than anger.  We will be able to apply empowerment into a practical form for our lives.

Lack of Spirituality (having faith in the ‘bigger picture’)

*Once we come to realize that we are ‘not alone’ in this Universe and that we are part of ‘something bigger’, we can surrender to a ‘greater power’ .  This does not preclude us from acting responsibly, responding to our sensibilities or being assertive. It simply puts our lives into a more understandable and acceptable perspective. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. The Serenity Prayer explains it as well as anything that has ever been written.

Lack of Peace and Contentment

*To experience this is the essence of life. Empowerment is essential in self-love which is the pre-cursor to peace and contentment. Meditation techniques  are also available  for those of us wishing to learn how to ‘centre’ ourselves when all else feels chaotic.  This is all part of empowering ourselves.

Lack of Self-Esteem (Poor Self-Image)

*If one searched for a ‘common denominator’ in all the destructive behaviours in this Life Cycle, this would be it.  It ‘boggles’ the mind when we consider how much of who we are is affected by ‘external eyes’.  No one has the right to determine who and what we should be.  Yet, we relinquish our power for them to do exactly that, and wonder why we feel resentful and unsatisfied with who and what we are? Understanding the above and being totally honest with ourselves re-empowers us into accepting who we are, the ‘good’, the ‘bad’, and the ‘ugly’.  Only then will we be able to make healthy choices for change.  

Lack of Understanding (Awareness)

*This is a direct result of not exposing ourselves to knowledge(behaviour options) that exist for our overall benefit.  We become ‘rutted’  and continue doing the same ineffective behaviours hoping for a different result.  We can create an environment which will be conducive to providing alternatives, options and choices for empowering our lives.

Inability to Love and Empathize with Others

* We will learn that, until and unless we learn to love ourselves, we will have difficulty loving others. Understanding and empathizing with others can only occur when we are able to understand and empathize with ourselves….first. This is the ‘cornerstone’ or ‘foundation’ of every successful relationship we will ever have.  

Imbalance in Our Emotional, Intellectual, Physical, Spiritual,

(Wellness Wheel of Life) Cycle

*Without Balance in our lives, we will never actualize our potential .  Wellness is totally dependent upon having a balanced formula for the above components.  Regardless of where in the Wellness Wheel the imbalance occurs, it adversely affects all of the other components in our environment.  Wellness Self-Evaluation(available in the Navigational Menu above), will be made available for those wanting a better analysis of their existing conditions and will help determine what components require their attention.  

Feeling Dis-Empowered

*By this stage of this Behaviour Cycle, we are beginning to panic.  Constant anxiety is part of our ‘treadmill’ lifestyle.  We view the world through depressed vision and see little to no option to go forward.  We have tried most everything we know only to go deeper into our ‘depressive abyss’.  Our ability to see options seems limited, realizing that what we have learned or unlearned is ineffective, unproductive and dis-functional. We feel stigmatized, distraught and embarrassed to find ourselves in this predicament.  We may or may not realize that we require assistance but view our access to support as minimal or non-existent.  Changing perception is the key to turning this cycle around.  Only we can assist ourselves if we are ready and willing to change our abusive and destructive lifestyle. 

Addictions (believing that anything or anyone in the external is more important than us and ‘selling out’ as a result)

*  Imbalance usually shows up through our addictions.  Most of us are addicted to some type(s) of external stimuli, be it money, food, drugs, T.V., music, sex, materialism, alcohol, work, religion or anything else which keeps our minds constantly craving, wanting, over reacting and feeling out of ‘control’ but seldom in the present.  Because we are not necessarily happy with who we are internally, we usually lend our attention to the external and look for targets  at which to ‘spew’ our anger.  This  lashing out at others, because of how we feel toward ourselves, is a never ending and non-fulfilling cycle which we must change for our healthy-self best interest. We can assist ourselves if we wish to change our behaviour and may require support in implementing that change.  

Feeling Victimized and becoming Judgmental (lack of responsibility and accountability for our lifestyle)

*Blaming, abusing and judging has never produced any self-satisfaction, resolution or happiness in the long term.  Seeing ourselves as the ‘architects’ of our lives and environments allows us to not only accept our feelings as being totally ours and OK, but it also empowers us in the process. Although someone or something may ‘trigger’ feelings in us, those ‘triggers’ point to somewhere in our lives where these feelings (issues) were not resolved.  Very seldom do they ever point to the present.  Taking responsibility for our actions is an empowering first step.

Anger (sometimes leading to violence)

*Anger is a lazy way of expressing.  It exists as a result of not having the skills to express our feelings appropriately and in a more healthy manner.  Anger is not a ‘root’ emotion.  It only is experienced as a result of not having expressed how we feel in any given present situation.  The result of this ongoing suppressive exercise is usually an emotional lashing out from the pressure that has been created through suppression and a lack of attention toward our feelings when they are first experienced.  

Pain and Trauma (feelings of desperation, isolation and possibly suicide)

* Pain is a gift if, we are sensitive enough to what it is intending to tell us.  It is a signal or ‘beacon’ for us to change direction in our lives.  It can be a motivating factor in our personal growth and should be responded to immediately.  Sometimes, this simply requires asking for help. Self empowerment allows you to help yourself.

Most Often ending in Depression, broken relationships, loss of Work, being on Social Assistance or on the Street, psychosomatic illness/mental illness (being institutionalized),  incarceration or suicide, unless we choose to break this behaviour pattern.

*Changing perception by empowerment is the key to turning around this abusive pattern, if and when we are ready and willing to change our life’s direction.

As per above, anger is not a root emotion.  Anger can be best described as a lazy reaction to stifled, suppressed or unexpressed emotion stemming from unresolved issues.  It tends to camouflage our real feelings, which in some cases are difficult to identify because of our lack of skill.

To break our anger pattern, we must make the following shift to detoxify issues:

• – Understand that most issues are simply emotional triggers in us and realize that neither our ‘flight or fight’ options will benefit us;
• – Once triggered, we must change gears from reaction to action and, we must evaluate our emotional state at that moment.  If  we are not in  control of our emotions, we must take a time-out to ‘re-group’;
• – During time-out we must;
• – Consider what stress-ors we’re subject to at this moment. e.g. work, health, relationship(s) etc;
• – How tired or sleep deprived are we at this moment ? We may require rest before continuing;
• – When we are ready, identify our feelings;
• – Determine if the feelings are old or new – if old, try to attach to the original memory, because that is when we first dis-empowered ourselves. If new, the feeling(s) may be too difficult to identify.  It may be too shocking or paralyzing and may require additional time to identify.
• – Embrace your feelings rather than resist them  –  they are yours, so  love them for showing you they require your immediate attention;
• – Take responsibility and ownership for your feelings and detach your feelings from the  ‘triggering’ issue;
• – Listen attentively to the other party if you haven’t done so while  the issue was being presented, and honour their feelings;
• – Share your feelings by effective communication and heartfelt expression;
• – If both parties can take responsibility for their own feelings and separate them from the issue, the issue will detoxify;
• – Interact to resolve differences by focusing on our similarities while respecting your differences;
• – By loving ourselves and our differences, we will love others and their differences.

Although our external environment may stimulate or ‘trigger’ our emotional response, we must never look for targets to blame and accuse.  Our emotional experience and response is ours and it reflects how adequately or inadequately we feel about ourselves.  Our neurotic ego precludes us from accepting ourselves as we are because we do not wish to be attached to that image. We don’t believe we’re good enough as we are.  We believe that we will be looked upon as “less than” and ultimately rejected.  However ironic, we love to see and be with people who totally express their real honest selves even though we fail to do so ourselves.

Healing requires processing.  It is an active internal process that includes investigating one’s attitudes, outlooks, memories and belief systems, with the desire to change all negative patterns that prevents one from healing.  The result of this process is the will to see and accept truths about one’s life and how by using those energies, we can create miracles.

Everyone experiences pain.  Experiencing pain is part of the healing process. However, those who suffer pain the most are those who resist pain the most.  Pain is a warning signal that indicates we may be out of balance regarding our well-being.  It can also act as a motivator to increase our conscious awareness of where we are presently.  If we delve into pain and experience it in depth, it becomes a wonderful gift.  Some have said that even in the depths of depression, they witnessed the experience as “opening the window to the soul”.  It’s a wonderful time for introspection.

The following is my understanding of healing through processing;

• – do whatever is required to get back to our original, pure, loving , wholesome self;
• – honestly reveal and declare ourselves and then honour that self as being perfect at this moment.  This is total self-acceptance and self-love;
• – learn and understand that we are doing the best we can at any given moment, with choices to change, if we wish;
• – become defenceless (surrender) to the Universe, because who we are is O.K.  To do this does not mean to give up our power or become unassertive toward others, it simply means not forcing issues nor having that sense of angst when making choices;
• – become aware that we are constantly growing, evolving, maturing and that this state of flux never ends.

Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is   –  Isaac Asimow

Understanding the Process of Transformation

We must understand the process of being in transformation.  We are changing constantly. We have all experienced estranged relationships, stress related work (vocation), losses (materialistic and loved ones), a spiritual void, psycho-somatic problems, depression, abusive behaviour, drugs or alcohol  dependency and other unhealthy attachments. These experiences were all necessary to get us to where we are today.

How many of us can identify with the following:

• That we have difficulty empathizing;
• That, as a result of not addressing, honouring and expressing our feelings when they occur, we react with anger at ms-projected issues and people;
• That we are judgmental of others, simply because we are judgmental of ourselves;
• That our so called understanding is more intellectual than emotional;
• That as a result, we hide in our mental ‘cell-block’, feeling somewhat secure with our isolation but also alone and unhappy;
• That although we study regularly, we have difficulty mastering meaningful theories and applying them practically;
• That we have difficulty loving anyone unconditionally because it’s difficult loving ourselves unconditionally;
• That it’s difficult relating to ourselves and as a result we have difficulty relating to others;
• That our neurotic ego’s need to control affects our self-image adversely.
• That experiencing life in the present is very difficult.

Learning and Understanding

Learning intellectually is of little value without the knowledge of the heart.

By constantly exposing ourselves to the teachings of the world, we eventually come to some level of understanding.  Awakening is the result of this exercise.

We have so much fear of not being in control of the external, of not being able to hold on to or possess people and things.  Yet nothing in nature is in control.  We’re never in control of our external environment.  This exercise of trying to be in control does nothing but bring up a lot of anxiety.

There is much information but little knowledge.  Information becomes knowledge when it is true for everyone.

Learning is movement from moment to moment.
– Krishnamurti

Perceiving/Seeing

We cannot legitimately and accurately perceive outwardly unless and until we perceive inwardly.

What we see is dependent upon what we feel.  Similar situations and issues will be dealt with differently, depending upon how we feel about ourselves at that particular time and place.

Why is it that we can respond or react to a similar stimulus or cause differently at different times?  Is it because we feel differently in each of those situations?  Does it follow then that how we feel determines our outward response?  And since we can take internal responsibility for ourselves, is it fair to say that our perception of our external world is dependent upon our perception of our internal world?

What appears to be negative is always a blessing in disguise, one that will cause you to do things differently, which in the final analysis, will result in a greater good in our life.

If we believe that our happiness is in some way dependent upon the outside world, we will try to control others and their environments in search of that happiness. This exercise is futile.

Sensing acutely is an ability we all have.  Trusting our intuition is the most powerful and valuable tool we have.  Its greatest enemy is our neurotic ego, which discredits our trust and faith in ourselves, simply because it doesn’t wish to relinquish perceived control of our self -image and allow us to live in the moment.

He then learns that in going down into the secrets of his own mind he has descended into the secrets of all minds
– Emerson

Self-Love

Man is unique in that we are a self-love seeking species.  Self-love is the basic will in human life.  However, we have ms-prioritized, maladjusted, clouded and obscured this will.  We must explore our inner-self to uncover our self-love.  We even have to re-learn what it really is.  Our quest continues toward this deeply satisfying emotional and spiritual state. This is NOT narcissism but rather a healthy state of empowerment.

We must get our will power and our imagination working together if we are to succeed in the development of our new self-image.  If we can generate belief in ourselves it is almost as if we can work miracles.

Self-love is the ultimate will of man.  Self-acceptance, unconditional acceptance, and unconditional love all mean the same thing.

Self-love becomes tarnished when we ‘buy’ into value and belief systems that demand scrutiny and criticism from someone or something else. The moment  we give more time and attention to these false external values (more important than us) we can never feel satisfied with who we are.  If our quest for ‘self’ is always viewed through ‘others eyes’, we’re left wanting. Our life becomes  preoccupied with filling that void.  Just as we are evolving, so is our society and civilization – all of which are still in their infancy, relatively speaking.

We stumble momentarily, by assuming the following:

• If I achieve power and influence, people will know me
• If they know me, they might love me
• If they love me, I will love myself.

However, only the reverse is true.  The rest is an exercise in futility.

Self-love shifts my perception of others.  By better understanding and accepting where I am at, I am better able to understand and honour where they are at.  As we feel and see love in ourselves, we begin to feel and see it elsewhere.

When we witness a child hurting, we stand in line to comfort that child.  Yet, when our  ‘little child’ is hurting, we would rather lash out at chosen targets to blame someone or some thing for feeling the way we do. We need to care and comfort our ‘little child’ with the same love and affection we’re willing to share with others.

What is one thing that I hate (dislike) about myself?  Can we come to understand it and care for it as it being part of our perfect self in evolution?  Can we cuddle it, nurture it, cradle it, honour it, accept it, love it and change it, if and when we choose?

We are on the road to wellness and health when we discover that what we really want more than anything else in life is neither survival nor pleasure, nor power, nor love of others, nor meaning.  What we really want is to be able to know and love ourselves.  Only then, can we extend love through empowerment and love of ourselves.

Spirituality

Spirituality, in essence, is the acknowledgement and experience of a greater whole.  This experience includes a sense of connection with everything in the universe. Some refer to this oneness experience as Light, Power, God, Energy, Spirit, Divine Mind, One Mind, Universal Mind, Healing Mind, Universal Soul, Universal Spirit, Christ Consciousness, Buddha Consciousness, Krishna Consciousness, Allah Consciousness, Higher Intelligence, and whatever other name you deem appropriate, including Mother Nature. This spiritual experience occurs when we feel part of a whole and in the moment. It is our attempt to be in harmony with the unseen order of nature.

Some say Prayer is a conscious treatment and that all thoughts are prayers– what we think we become.

To surrender or become defenceless to our greater whole, with responsibility, we connect with our source for guidance and direction – we no longer feel alone.

Our conscience is our master. When we follow our conscience (sensibilities), our thoughts, words, and deeds will be noble and consistent.  Spirituality is having the faith, trust, courage and determination to follow our conscience in all things, at all times.

In the world of the future, the new illiterate will be the person who has not learned how to learn – Alvin Toffler