Love Healthy
We do not know how to love healthy. We simply do not know how because we have never been shown nor taught. Our chosen teachers did the best they could with what they had but they did not know how, either. So, we have chosen to emulate role models that continue to love in an unhealthy manner. We have difficulty understanding impermanence, co-dependency, loving internally, detachment, possession, addiction and visualization.
We, invariably take vows of commitment to a future we know nothing about. How silly is that? How harmful does that exercise become given that our intention lies only in the present? Why would we set ourselves up like that? Why do we want to betray ourselves out of ignorance? Other than for the benefit of various religions and the law industry, who does this benefit…certainly, not us. It is a ‘trap’ that inevitably will fail and we will suffer the consequences thereof. So, rather than learn to live our lives independently and in healthy relationships that are not dependent upon co-dependency, we succumb to some fictional Harlequin romantic version of what love should be. We put ourselves in a position of being totally dependent upon someone else, inclusive of g_d, for our peace and happiness. How lazy is that to conveniently 'dump' our responsibility onto something or someone else? And, then we wonder what happened to us when we are left feeling defeated, betrayed and wanting after ‘the dust settles’.
Commitment should be a verb and actioned on a continuum based upon our intention in the moment. Whenever we invest more in the external world than in our internal world, it is addiction. We become totally dependent upon someone else for our emotional, physical, spiritual and mental health. A sure fire formula for failure and hence depression, if there ever was one. Imagine going around talking about my partner or wife as if they do not have their own evolution and agenda on this earth. Imagine using ownership terms to define our relationship(s).
Our existing process for relating invariably sets us up for feelings of betrayal, loss, grief and as a result feeling victimized. Yet, we have utilized a proven formula that guarantees us ending up feeling poorly. We have a choice to change our perception of how and why we relate.
Living in the present is a start. Being grateful and blessed for what we are experiencing today without any future expectations alleviates most potential problems for us. Appreciating our partner in the moment lends itself to not getting ahead of ourselves and not creating expectations that surely will disappoint us. Giving thanks for a pleasant partnership experience has no room for possession of our partner. They too have their evolution to honour and we must understand that we cannot and should not interfere with others` karmic debt. Nor should ours be interfered with.
We all must honour and accept what it is we must experience and learn from. Loving with detachment is possible. If we learn to witness, support and love unconditionally, we will have very healthy relationships. Anything else leads to consequences that are not in our best interest. All we have to do is look at the ‘yuppy’ generation as testimony for an unhealthy recipe of victimization. Most people in their 50`s have been emotionally…’wrecked’ from relationships gone ‘bad’. I have always said that if we want to learn more about relationships, inclusive of lessons in detachment and unconditional love, we should study… dogs. That is why our relationship with dogs is so appealing, at least and until we decide to make that unhealthy as well.
Dogs, on the other hand, always seem to have healthy relationships with people and with each other. They understand impermanence, detachment and unconditional love. Seldom do we witness a victimized dog. When will we learn what is in our healthy best interest…hmmm? We have soooo much to learn…and so it is.
