Sex

The area where we are the most covert and deceptive is sex. Yet, we are created from it, are driven by it, identify through it and indulge in it, under the guise of many ‘veils’. Why is it so difficult for us to embrace our sexuality as a crucial and vital part of ourselves with the love and acceptance that it deserves? It is so primal and natural that one would believe we should be more expressive of it without the stigma of guilt and the shame that is usually attached to it. How many times have we heard women say that they were brought up to believe that “good girls do not fuck”. So, as a result of suppression and stigmatization, we have instead chosen to often express it under the influence of drugs and or alcohol, in seedy environments, through virtual reality, in private and hidden written word, by subtlety and innuendo and in darkness. How little regard we have for expressing our beautiful and wonderful being and nature. And although we feel stifled, we have so much pressure to conform to some fearful expectation of what sexual expression should and shouldn`t be. Why have we allowed religious and educational institutions to do this to us? Why have we bought into modes of behaviour that are so suppressive of our individual natures under the guise of morality?

What would natural sexual expression look like? We try to break up our pets when they act out sexually in front of others. Even our pets are experiencing our guilt and shame. We should be learning from these evolved animals that sexual expression is as natural as laughing and much more primal. We have much to learn. We have given up that freedom of choice, and have sold out to unhealthy conformity. We suffer from this unnatural state. We come to believe that this is us, making all these moral decisions. Our morals are being regulated by a historically fear-and-guilt-based belief system(s) that dictates how we should behave. We relinquished our option for choice long ago. Our sub-conscious acts automatically with behaviour modes which leave us feeling incomplete and less than whole. So, we spend the rest of our lives chasing and looking for parts of ourselves that we have discarded, without due regard for the love and respect that we deserve.

We are astonished when our kids go into the back seats of cars to fornicate. And then we are shocked when we confront them, and they lie to us out of fear and guilt. We are driving sexual expression more and more ‘underground’, and all in the name of shame, guilt and our falsified self-image. Which one is natural: ‘underground’ or ‘transparent’ expression? I know we have chosen to have our behaviours become regulated because of fear of natural choices which have resulted in our cultural customs and acceptable modes of behaviour being what they are, but at what cost?

Then comes the moral argument. How dare anyone fornicate anywhere at anytime? Some of the defenders of this position are the same moral leaders that have been molesting and assaulting our children in schools, convents, churches, and monasteries. How righteous they were and are! And further, they were only behaving rebelliously and resentfully against the same suppression, which they also ‘bought’ into. It should be left up to the individual to determine what is moral should it not? If we are our own ‘temples’, as so many religious teachers preach why should we have someone or something apart from ourselves determine what is or what is not moral for us. We have our own ‘tool box’ of sensibilities(conscience) to guide our behaviour. That is all we require, if we have faith and trust in our own nature. This ‘tool box’ is called empowerment.

Does empowerment mean we would somehow become more uncivilized? I hope so. The unnatural parts of our ‘civilization’ (cultural standards) are ‘killing’ us. Most people prefer to live sexually monogamously. What is monogamy and why is it such an important condition in a primary relationship? Other than for health reasons, the very mention of the word becomes a fearful and controlling exercise. If we wish to be sexually monogamous with our partner what stops us? If not, how will ‘committing’ to this condition into the future ensure us being faithful to our partner? Freedom to choose is always there regardless of the contract we enter into and is dictated too by our intent. Why can we not live monogamously, one day at a time, for eternity? Why can monogamy not be the result of a healthy relationship, rather than a pre-condition to a relationship? Living in the present negates the need to feel safe and secure tomorrow, doesn`t it? How realistic is it to delve into the future without knowing what the future has in store for us? Is not our present intent sufficient? The requirement of monogamy has evolved from religions and other institutions which impose rules and regulations to control their membership; the control is motivated by fear of losing their patrons (fellowship). We do not require these fear-based and controlling impositions to experience very fruitful, long, loving and happy primary relationships. Further testimony which supports my contention is the divorce rate that exists within our culture. When will we learn that everything we require to live meaningful, happy, prosperous, peaceful and loving lives already exists within us?

How would we relate differently if we could relate without attachment? Is it possible? Is it possible to have sex without feeling attached (no pun intended)? What would it be like? Would we still be able to desire without attachment? I do know that experiencing detachment with love leaves me feeling peaceful, understanding and content. It allows me to witness, support and love my mate (partner) without judgement. It allows me to honour her evolution, which is perfect for her.

I do know that desiring sexual contact (as opposed to experiencing detachment with love) satisfies only for the short term; desire is a never ending spiral. I do not find peace, understanding nor contentment in the pursuit of casual sex. I realize how primal, instinctive and powerful our sex drive is, but what is its’ ultimate purpose? Is it simply to procreate? If so, once we have procreated, why do we continue to desire sexually? We know that sexual desire and activity continues until old age–how wonderful that is! What is required for us to recognize that the strength of our innate sexual drive? Cannot it be harnessed so that we can be fully present to all the additional benefits that can arise within a loving, long-term and committed (by present intent) relationship? If it can, can we move beyond the short term physical satisfaction to the bliss attained through deeply intimate and satisfying long-term personal connections? Why are we tempted, as a result of our sexual arousal, to potentially sacrifice a very pleasurable long term relationship for the sake of a short term fuck? Can it simply be a matter of mind over body as we have chosen to learn? Is it simply a matter of ‘weighing the trade’ as in consequence? Is our understanding of our sex drive a simple matter of education? Is it conditioning and training? Or, would our sex drive be better understood by comparing it to the ‘flight or fight’ concept, where our blood leaves our brain to run or fight. Does the same physiological response occur when we become aroused? Do we lose our ability to reason, in that moment? If we do, should we avoid and/or remove ourselves from those environments that are conducive to our not being able to reason if we feel overwhelmed by the experience. Or, do we become much more conscious of our limitations and boundaries for our behaviour. Knowing where that fine line is for each of us either diminishes or precludes the risk from becoming overwhelming. This includes being conscious of the fact that we become even more vulnerable by ingesting drugs and alcohol when we subject ourselves to those environments. We need to be certain of the level of vulnerability to which we expose ourselves to when we cloud our judgement through the injection of drugs and alcohol. Understanding of our limitations regarding drugs and/or alcohol comes through experience, but we may not be that cognoscente of our limitations with regard to our sex drive. The question begs: At what point does our responsibility for our natural behaviour begin and end?

It's coming to the understanding that reality can be blissful? Can this quest for having a blissful reality be achieved with certain mindsets born out of character and knowledge, only? Why are we so fearful of taking this route of natural expression to its’ ultimate endpoint. Why are we so reluctant to take this evolutionary step?…and so it is.