Weighing The Trade

Weighing the trade is something we begin to do from our first experience with consciousness. As part of our human nature, we determine very quickly that, while relating with others we are “Weighing The Trade”. Obviously, there are many ingredients including ‘risk/reward’ that contribute to ‘weighing the trade’. Initially it may begin with actioning the only leverage we have as infants…crying. Smiling also works but one cannot hear a smile and it is less demanding and unless one is in close proximity, we respond from auditory stimulation…first. Crying has given us attention, affection, cleanliness, food, humour, comfort, entertainment, touching, communication and autonomy. From that point on, we realize that we can trade actions to satisfy requirements and it never stops for the rest of our lives. We determine that we require trading skills in order to get what we want. Sometimes, what we want is too ‘expensive’ and we are left wanting. But, for the most part, we search for people who give us the ‘biggest bang for our buck’. The more we receive from someone, the more we are willing to give and the more satisfied we become, at least in the short term. Conversely, the less we receive from someone, the chance of discontinuing that relationship increases. Although many people say they are not conscious of this exercise, they participate without question. Once challenged, their awareness is heightened and they acknowledge their participation of…’weighing the trade’. As ‘cold and callous’ as this may sound, this is our reality and the paradox of our humanity.

From trading a smile for a hug to trading a hug for a smile as an infant, we begin the conditioning process. Although we may be dependent upon others for survival, we soon learn that we have much to offer others in exchange for something beyond…food and shelter. We come to understand, especially as children, how to emote to get what we want. We are naturally transparent as children and unless and until we choose otherwise because of some trauma in our life’s experience, we treasure our ‘treasure’ and make it ‘pay’ whenever we can and want. Sometimes, the trade is so valuable, that we experience…love. Yes, love is conditional, for this specie. For the most part, only the ‘barking ones’ know what unconditional love is…do they not? So, when someone gives us something…special, we in turn wish to reward them for their specialness with…specialness. And, if this occurrence has any longevity, it becomes a long term relationship. If not, we relish the journey, change direction and move on while still looking for the ultimate…trade. We seldom if ever, unless we are masochistic, accept something from someone, without feeling we have received more than we have given. Sometime, this giving can even become a competition where we lose sight of the exercise. Oh yeah, well take that and that and that. Now, I have given more and I win. Even in this bizarre scenario, we feel we have received more than we have invested. Winning becomes waaaay toooo satisfying and the essence of giving is lost. Some would say that charity does not qualify with ‘weighing the trade’. However, as much as this might ‘burst your charitable bubble’, charity is too often tainted with ‘weighing the trade’. We feel soooo gooood about helping and or giving to others that we get caught up in doing it for selfish ‘feel good’ reasons. However questionable our motive, our culture(s) and our society(inclusive of its institutions) encourages and promotes this predatory behaviour. Yes, “charity does begin at home” and too often, we do not target ourselves with the self-love required for us to benefit others in the process and as a result look to the external for satisfaction. This internal/external struggle and conflict continues for our entire lives. The more we understand the importance of internal balance for our health and wellness, the less we rely upon the external sources to make our lives meaningful. Ironically, the more attention we give to our internal requirements, the less attention is necessary for our external satisfaction. This is a very difficult concept to accept. If we ‘listen’ and respond to our internal sensibilities, signals and direction, the less dependent we become on external ‘lures’ and temptations. The less wanting our life becomes. The less wanting, the more peaceful, content and more satisfying is our life…and so it is.

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